You asked for it…

GUESS WHO’S BAAAAAAAACK! Hi my beautiful babies. I am sorry I’ve been so absent. My weeks are just so clogged with BULL CRAP that I have no time for the things I actually want to do anymore. It makes me sad. I cry every night. I swear. If you don’t believe me, here is a little taste of just my Tuesdays…

Wake up : 6:00

Train : 7:20

Arrive in the city : 8:20

Class : 9:00 - 11:00

Intern : 11:30-6

Class : 6:30-9:20

Train home : 9:45

Arrive home : 11:00

Then I need to shower and I have really long hair you guise so it takes me a while, then I need to eat dinner, THEN I need to tackle any homework I may have. THEN!!! I get to watch Teen Mom! So if you’re thinking to yourself “okay then do it on Wednesday you lazy betch” Well let me throw at you my Wednesday schedule! As follows:

Wake up : 6:00

Train: 7:40

Class: 9:00-12:00

Class: 12:00-3:15

Lunch, homework, study, etc.

Class: 6:20-9:20

Train home: 9:45

Home: 11:00

Then I need to repeat previous nights routine, and THEN! I get to watch American Idol! and THEN!!! I need to update my American Idol blog!!! Just kidding, there is definitely no blog. I’d just be talking about how badly I want to marry Casey Abrams. Well now that I’m on the topic…….

Anyway so by then it’s Thursday and even then I don’t get a free moment until at least 7pm, and at that time my thoughts on how horrible chelsea’s highlights are have become irrelevant!!!!!

Or have they? Regardless. Just have a little mercy on me you guyz. I beg.

I give you this update as a peace offering. I went out of my way this week to do all of my homework early in the week so I could reserve the last little bits of eyeball-open time to this. I’m sorry if I’m rusty.

And then ON TOP OF EVERYTHING I forgot to DVR it tonight so I had to wait until 11:30pm just to watch it, oh me oh my. Whatever. This update is dedicated to duffpuff2010 because she tweeted me to ask why I hated all of you for not updating. I don’t. I love you all. It’s becoming a problem. Anywho…vamos a empezar: (I’m taking spanish this semester)

First of all: notable things

- Janelle’s mom officially talks JUST like JFK if you close your eyes. Really, you will never be able to unhear it.

- Corey & Leah rule

- Jenelle, in just a few episodes, went from being a sort of absent teen mom, to a teenage drifter with her dirty retard boyfriend. No son in sight.

- Chelsea is so insecure she is worried about her boyfriend cheating on her with Guadalupe the line cook at the local Denny’s.

Now onto this week:

Leah: Her mom looks like a human poodle with some sort of condition. Is that mean? I don’t care. Woman, you are on television. Most likely for the first time in your life. Put on some god damn makeup. Go to CVS, ask Darlene at the register to help you if you need to, but come the hell on.

Alieahahanana’s GLASSES! Oh my god have you ever seen something so precious?! Like a little jellybean with eyes. I have faith in this little jigglypuff. She’s gonna pull through. I can see it now. See it right through the circular lens of those pink wraparound glasses.

And at the end of the episode, she rolled over! or something! and Corey won the bet! He won FIVE dollars! Which I want to assume is like…$50 to them, considering how big of a deal they kind of made it. I mean they shook on it and everything…

Jenelle: I know Jenelle is a brain dead stoner eyebrow impaired kesha loving pottyface, but JFK is just unbearable. I’d be inclined to say that I may even be a little screwey if that were my mom, too.

I just have NOTHING to say about Jenelle anymore. Her relationship with this idiot is something that bends my mind. His reaction last week to hearing about her classes made me make groaning noises I’ve never made before. Is this kid for real? Why do the two of them act like criminals on the run?! Every time they’re together they’re concocting unnecessary plans to like…escape. I don’t get it. JUST HANG OUT LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. Go to bed in your own homes. Why is this such an unattainable reality for them? It makes me sad every time Jace stands at the door when Jenelle leaves. It also makes me sad when Jenelle parks on her parents front lawn instead of in the driveway. It makes me sad that her eyebrows still haven’t grown in. I’m sad.

Chelsea: Adam is a useless piece of shit, but what do you expect? Chelsea lets him get away with it. How is she surprised Megan doesn’t want to chit chat with her about how crappy her relationship is going? No shit! Get a clue, Chelsea Chipmunk Cheeks. I’m sick of you. Put yourself together, take off those basketball shorts or oversized North Face fleece, put some contacts in, get those bangs out of your face, dump the douche and get your SHIT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!! son of a….

And I think AMBER has ruined the letters G, E and D for me forever, because just hearing it come out of Chelsea’s mouth in the same grating delivery really makes my toes curl and nose scrunch. Just take the stupid fucking test so I don’t have to hear about it anymore, holy hell.

This show is very informative. Truthfully, before Chelsea’s segment, I knew absolutely NOTHING about South Dakota. Now, I know one thing. Every girl under the age of 18 has a baby! hey, whatever helps you pass the time! No wait, two things. Every teenager has a baby AND horrible drastic highlights. See exhibit A:

If this entire show were just Chelsea and Adam raising Aubree I think it’d be in MTV’s best interest to rename the show “Call of Duty: how video games and Chevy tattoos ruin young families”

Kailyn: Wait. What? What! haha I can’t even begin. Jo is still SUPER ugly. SUPER stupid. SUPER useless. His eyebrows look like this \ /.

But you know what? He has a freaking point. Kailyn has been slacking in the mommy department. Making him put Isaac to sleep so she can play stupid fucking arcade games with her stupid fucking twin boyfriend. They’re always wearing the same shirts and it’s creepy. I didn’t think I’d ever agree with this weirdo family, but I’m beginning to. Plus how funny was it when Jo was like “You’ve been going to school for like a week!”…I giggled, ngl. We really must be missing something with Kailyn and Jordan. I’m sorry, I see ZERO connection. They even hug awkward. What about this relationship was worth losing the roof over her head? What a complicated creature K is. She reminds me of bigfoot more and more. Not to mention, when she called her mother to ask if she could stay, she was oddly accepting. As if it’s never been a problem before, ever. Kinda makes you wonder, huh? She gets to her house and her mom is just like “well, you can stay in here” as she presents her with an empty bedroom. I mean wouldn’t you just be like MOM. OF COURSE I CAN STAY IN HERE. WHAT THE HOLY HEAVENS. how is it even something that she needs to “allow”?! that’s sort of what you signed up for, old lady, when you popped a kid out of your vagina like 17 years ago. “oh, i guess you can stay here, i have an empty bedroom, and you have…no bedroom” urgh *facepalm* Maybe she’s too busy HAVING HER NOSE PIERCED to be a mom.

Isaac still remains the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.

Kailyn is an idiot. Don’t borrow $600 from someone you plan on two timing. Don’t expect that person to do you any favors once they find out about said two timing. It’s really that simple. Then things got real freakin serious and cool when they called the cops and they did an effect on the cops voice to make him sound all deep and powerful and Jo asked questions about keeping the baby hostage or something, I don’t know, it was awesome.