With a new season of Teen Mom rapidly approaching, we get to learn more about just how special baby daddy’s are. We learn the integral role they play in the creation [frequently that’s all they contribute to] and development of these young, lucky children. Personally, I will miss Gary the most. Sure, I hated him on 16 and Pregnant the day he bought that x-box…or was it a wii? [better than the x-box, definitely the lesser of two evils…Shirley could use a little exercise-in-disguise], but does it really matter? (Let’s just take from this that Wal-Mart clearly has a good return policy). But let’s be fair, Gary deserves a fucking metal for putting up with that fire-breathing-self-tanned-dragon. All it took were a few punches to the face and a friendly kick down the stairs for him to rescue (see: Kidnap) little Leah. Thank god for that, it needed to be done. They [sadly] can’t all be Gary’s, though, so I’m just going to hope that they’re all just mildly more entertaining than Ryan. My GOD, how many times can you serve my sweet little Maci the same custody papers? Really, if you agree on an “agreement” that makes it an agreed upon agreement!!! SMH Ryan, you’re hot…stop talking.

As for season 2 … Baby daddy roll-call!

First, who can forget Leah’s poor boyfriend Corey. Remind me how this happened. She was rebounding hard and slept with him once in the back of a truck after a party. Of course she was. That obviously screams move in together and let’s raise the twins that we conceived together in the back of said truck. The same girl who didn’t think to use protection in that passionate truck sex incident cannot imagine why her ex-boyfriend treats her differently now that both of her arms are occupied with little babies. I’m supposed to hope the best for them, but who am I kidding? I need good television. I hope Leah cheats on Corey again with the ex. Sorry.

Second, Jenelle’s baby daddy. Wait, sorry Jenelle…he ran real fast. Better luck next time. You know there will be a next time. With girls like her there is always a next time. 

Third, Kailyn’s baby daddy “Jo”. First off, Kail was so concentrated on her own daddy issues that we painfully watched in her 16 and Pregnant episode. The facebook stalking was almost too much. Anyway, Jo is incapable of doing anything other than looking like he is trying to solve the most impossible math equation of all time (2 x 5 is…?) so it’s safe to say that his parents, who have almost unofficially adopted Kailyn, are the real parents here. Hopefully for baby Isaac’s sake, Jo actually stays around this season and Isaac won’t be the one facebook stalking him in 16 years. 

To close, let’s discuss Chelsea’s baby daddy Adam. He’s going to be a shoe-in winner for the most dramatic douche bag of the season. He seems to know just how to make a distressed lady cry, and for that, MTV thanks him. Who can forget the text he sent to Chelsea at the end of her episode? [“no i want u to feel like the most worthless stupid bitch in the world u better beleive [sic] its so over for the rest of ourlives ya fat stretch mark bitch tell me where and wen [sic] to sign the papers over for that mistake.”]. How sweet, I think I’m falling…Is it horrible of me to hope that he gets some face-time? If for nothing more than to let everyone be aware of what Ryan 2.0 looks like. Hopefully someone will see him in a Wal-Mart and try out their new hunting rifle on him.

Oh the drama of young love and irresponsible fathers, I can’t wait.

-K & J

[Jenn here, just peeking my head in so I can upload the best screen-capped picture known to MTV man. Gary’s face FTW]