Hi Jenelle! How are you, today? Terrible, I hope! This girl is an easy shoe-in to be my absolute favorite of the series. Favorite in the holy-shit-I-fucking-hate-this-girl way. Let me be the first to tell you that this dame is an absolute piece of shit. Do not let the photo of her lovingly kissing her son fool you, she’s awful. Positively awful, I tell you! I sincerely wish the worst for her :)

So from memory, let’s see what I can remember. Well, she’s awful, for one thing. Jenelle lives with her patient, giving, exhausted mother somewhere in North Carolina, which is surprising, as I was under the impression she originated in the pits of Hell. If you saw her episode of 16 and Pregnant you may remember Jenelle as being ungrateful, immature, and straight up unbearable. Oh, a bit violent, too. I think she pushed her mother? The mother who actually is the one seemingly raising her son while Jenelle goes out and parties, at really cool parties, where cool people hang out. Cool people without babies. If I remember correctly, while surfing the interwebs months ago, pictures surfaced of Miss America here smoking blunts in her front yard. No word on whether she was pregnant at the time, but I’ll throw my chips on yes. 

I don’t really know the deal with her baby daddy, all I know is that he’s absent. Absent fathers are really nothing to glorify, but AMEN dude, glad you got the fuck away.

Her son’s name is Jace. Which I just hate. Jace….on? Who’s name is JACE? She’s the worst.

I’m going to assume that Jenelle’s plot on this season will revolve around her ever tumultous relationship with her medal-deserving-mother. I saw a clip where her mother threatened that “she knew how to get a lawyer” (just open those Yellow Pages, baby!) in an attempt to seek custody of poor little Jace-face. Also seen in the previews, gentle and loving Jenelle shoving her mother out of her door while the mother cries “YOU-A DONE!” Oh I’m so excited I’m so excited!

Jenelle’s potential: GREAT, WONDERFUL, PROMISING, AMAZING. Few things in life make me feel as good as seeing terribly misguided youths fuck their lives up even further. She is a scuff on my Jimmy Choo’s, a snag in my pantyhose, a spot of tomato sauce on my new silk blouse. I absolutely hate this girl, but I love her just the same. She gets an A+ from me, I already feel better about myself. 

-J