GUESS WHO’S BAAAAAAAACK! Hi my beautiful babies. I am sorry I’ve been so absent. My weeks are just so clogged with BULL CRAP that I have no time for the things I actually want to do anymore. It makes me sad. I cry every night. I swear. If you don’t believe me, here is a little taste of just my Tuesdays…

Wake up : 6:00

Train : 7:20

Arrive in the city : 8:20

Class : 9:00 - 11:00

Intern : 11:30-6

Class : 6:30-9:20

Train home : 9:45

Arrive home : 11:00 

Then I need to shower and I have really long hair you guise so it takes me a while, then I need to eat dinner, THEN I need to tackle any homework I may have. THEN!!! I get to watch Teen Mom! So if you’re thinking to yourself “okay then do it on Wednesday you lazy betch” Well let me throw at you my Wednesday schedule! As follows:

Wake up : 6:00

Train: 7:40

Class: 9:00-12:00

Class: 12:00-3:15

Lunch, homework, study, etc.

Class: 6:20-9:20

Train home: 9:45

Home: 11:00

Then I need to repeat previous nights routine, and THEN! I get to watch American Idol! and THEN!!! I need to update my American Idol blog!!! Just kidding, there is definitely no blog. I’d just be talking about how badly I want to marry Casey Abrams. Well now that I’m on the topic…….

Anyway so by then it’s Thursday and even then I don’t get a free moment until at least 7pm, and at that time my thoughts on how horrible chelsea’s highlights are have become irrelevant!!!!!

Or have they? Regardless. Just have a little mercy on me you guyz. I beg.

I give you this update as a peace offering. I went out of my way this week to do all of my homework early in the week so I could reserve the last little bits of eyeball-open time to this. I’m sorry if I’m rusty.

And then ON TOP OF EVERYTHING I forgot to DVR it tonight so I had to wait until 11:30pm just to watch it, oh me oh my. Whatever. This update is dedicated to duffpuff2010 because she tweeted me to ask why I hated all of you for not updating. I don’t. I love you all. It’s becoming a problem. Anywho…vamos a empezar: (I’m taking spanish this semester)

First of all: notable things

- Janelle’s mom officially talks JUST like JFK if you close your eyes. Really, you will never be able to unhear it.

- Corey & Leah rule

- Jenelle, in just a few episodes, went from being a sort of absent teen mom, to a teenage drifter with her dirty retard boyfriend. No son in sight.

- Chelsea is so insecure she is worried about her boyfriend cheating on her with Guadalupe the line cook at the local Denny’s. 

Now onto this week:

Leah: Her mom looks like a human poodle with some sort of condition. Is that mean? I don’t care. Woman, you are on television. Most likely for the first time in your life. Put on some god damn makeup. Go to CVS, ask Darlene at the register to help you if you need to, but come the hell on. 

Alieahahanana’s GLASSES! Oh my god have you ever seen something so precious?! Like a little jellybean with eyes. I have faith in this little jigglypuff. She’s gonna pull through. I can see it now. See it right through the circular lens of those pink wraparound glasses.

And at the end of the episode, she rolled over! or something! and Corey won the bet! He won FIVE dollars! Which I want to assume is like…$50 to them, considering how big of a deal they kind of made it. I mean they shook on it and everything…

Jenelle: I know Jenelle is a brain dead stoner eyebrow impaired kesha loving pottyface, but JFK is just unbearable. I’d be inclined to say that I may even be a little screwey if that were my mom, too.  

I just have NOTHING to say about Jenelle anymore. Her relationship with this idiot is something that bends my mind. His reaction last week to hearing about her classes made me make groaning noises I’ve never made before. Is this kid for real? Why do the two of them act like criminals on the run?! Every time they’re together they’re concocting unnecessary plans to like…escape. I don’t get it. JUST HANG OUT LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. Go to bed in your own homes. Why is this such an unattainable reality for them? It makes me sad every time Jace stands at the door when Jenelle leaves. It also makes me sad when Jenelle parks on her parents front lawn instead of in the driveway. It makes me sad that her eyebrows still haven’t grown in. I’m sad.

Chelsea: Adam is a useless piece of shit, but what do you expect? Chelsea lets him get away with it. How is she surprised Megan doesn’t want to chit chat with her about how crappy her relationship is going? No shit! Get a clue, Chelsea Chipmunk Cheeks. I’m sick of you. Put yourself together, take off those basketball shorts or oversized North Face fleece, put some contacts in, get those bangs out of your face, dump the douche and get your SHIT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!! son of a….

And I think AMBER has ruined the letters G, E and D for me forever, because just hearing it come out of Chelsea’s mouth in the same grating delivery really makes my toes curl and nose scrunch. Just take the stupid fucking test so I don’t have to hear about it anymore, holy hell. 

This show is very informative. Truthfully, before Chelsea’s segment, I knew absolutely NOTHING about South Dakota. Now, I know one thing. Every girl under the age of 18 has a baby! hey, whatever helps you pass the time! No wait, two things. Every teenager has a baby AND horrible drastic highlights. See exhibit A:

If this entire show were just Chelsea and Adam raising Aubree I think it’d be in MTV’s best interest to rename the show “Call of Duty: how video games and Chevy tattoos ruin young families”

Kailyn: Wait. What? What! haha I can’t even begin. Jo is still SUPER ugly. SUPER stupid. SUPER useless. His eyebrows look like this \ /.

But you know what? He has a freaking point. Kailyn has been slacking in the mommy department. Making him put Isaac to sleep so she can play stupid fucking arcade games with her stupid fucking twin boyfriend. They’re always wearing the same shirts and it’s creepy. I didn’t think I’d ever agree with this weirdo family, but I’m beginning to. Plus how funny was it when Jo was like “You’ve been going to school for like a week!”…I giggled, ngl. We really must be missing something with Kailyn and Jordan. I’m sorry, I see ZERO connection. They even hug awkward. What about this relationship was worth losing the roof over her head? What a complicated creature K is. She reminds me of bigfoot more and more. Not to mention, when she called her mother to ask if she could stay, she was oddly accepting. As if it’s never been a problem before, ever. Kinda makes you wonder, huh? She gets to her house and her mom is just like “well, you can stay in here” as she presents her with an empty bedroom. I mean wouldn’t you just be like MOM. OF COURSE I CAN STAY IN HERE. WHAT THE HOLY HEAVENS. how is it even something that she needs to “allow”?! that’s sort of what you signed up for, old lady, when you popped a kid out of your vagina like 17 years ago. “oh, i guess you can stay here, i have an empty bedroom, and you have…no bedroom” urgh *facepalm* Maybe she’s too busy HAVING HER NOSE PIERCED to be a mom.

Isaac still remains the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.

Kailyn is an idiot. Don’t borrow $600 from someone you plan on two timing. Don’t expect that person to do you any favors once they find out about said two timing. It’s really that simple. Then things got real freakin serious and cool when they called the cops and they did an effect on the cops voice to make him sound all deep and powerful and Jo asked questions about keeping the baby hostage or something, I don’t know, it was awesome. 

I’m honestly too tired to even edit this. It’s 1:15, I’m gonna brush my teeth and hopefully get a good 4 and a half hours in…you selfish trolls!

Next week looks kinda good, I might have to come back for more :) xoxo babies, goodnight.

-J<3

MTV isn’t involved in the controversies. The girls get paid $5,000 an episode and I believe the boys of the show get paid $2,000 or $3,000. (Ehem why do you think Chelsea’s boo came groveling back). The restaurants they go to are probably free for the girls considering the free promotion that the places get, other than that I really don’t believe that there are scripts or money given for day to day things. Although the voiceovers that you hear are definitely not written by the girls, people who edit the show and the footage probably put together little re-caps to have the girls read. That’s why they always sound so robotic!

As you should be, I don’t blame you. I am sorry and will make up for it with a doozy of an update tonight <3

-jenn

I am not on top of it.  I’m going to blame the lack of actual timely followup on my current struggles with P90x.  Sorry, I know it’s such a bad excuse but apparently in hopes to get smokin hot, my poor body and brain are constantly hurting, aching, and tired.  I guess it’s almost like I gave birth, or have a newborn, except I do indeed get to sleep through the entire night.  So apologies from Colorado.

Wow wow wow.  Let’s talk about education for a hot second.  I am very proud that this cast of teen mom wants to educate themselves, but their struggles with finances, time, and even finishing high school (ehhhhhhmmmmm I’m talking to you Chelsea) are painful to watch.  First, Kailyn finally gets money from Jo to start school and then about a day in Jo, her, and baby Isaac all get kicked out of the house.  I have a feeling this college act isn’t going to last, how on Earth will Kailyn find time to finish her first semester with Jo trying to get her to move to Newark, obvi the only “safe” place to raise a baby.  God forbid anyone stays in Pennsylvania. 

Next, poor Jenelle.  First you lose custody of your child, now you lose any hope of attending school without your mom signing a form.  C’mon Barbz just sign the form.  By all means Jenelle is my least favorite, but I’m gonna side with her on this one.  Perhaps if Jenelle didn’t sleep through her alarm every Saturday and watch Jace hungover Barbz would sign her form but at least let the little lady get an education for gosh sake.  Maybe Keiffer will come through with some crazy finances from his unemployed life to save his poor loveless puppy Jenelle.   I am impressed that Jenelle actually almost made me cry with her insane speech about never being told I love you by her parents. 

(side note:  It’s Valentines Day… I don’t even know you, but if you’re reading this I love you.  Ya You’re Welcome.)

Moving on, let’s take a small look at Chelsea.  I swear to god if I have to hear her talk about finishing high school one more time I may vomit. WOMAN. It’s not that hard.  Also, if you’re gonna get a pedicure may I suggest you bring your World History book with you to look at while you complain for an hour about how behind you are in school.  Oh Children.  I can’t even talk about this.

To close, what about my favorite little Leah.  I must say she has grown on me from day one.  Not only does she have two kiddos, a man that loves her, and a double wide… but, SURPRISE! Cory is taking the kiddos for a day.  This was the best scene by far when Cory called Leah about 80 times to ask how to do everything.  See Cory it isn’t that easy is it.  I understand I’ve been watching a medically challenged 14 year old dog the past three weeks.  It’s not easy.  Well, I hope that this next week brings a little more entertainment because I am over the complain, complain, complain I just want to go to school saga.  I want depth, I want marriage, I want heartache.  Bring on the D-R-A-M-A.  It’s time to let loose Teen Mom 2. 

(Note the awesome new home)

Signing Off in Hopes to Update on Time Next Week.
-K

There it is.  Way Overdue.  Two busy working girls over here….  Enjoy! K & J

Oh My Gosh… Let me start with the obvious. In this episode we get a new character Keefer, Jenelle’s new boyfriend. Thanks to TMZ, UsWeekly, and Twitter Keefer is not new to us at all, I knew he would rack up some face time to go along with that mugshot. I must say, Keefer you are not as smokin hot as I once believed you were in the one photo I saw… it was a little bit of a bummer. But, my all time favorite one line of the episode was when Barbz said “He better not be a pothead” BAWHAHAHAAHA only if you knew back then Barbz, what an idiot. Keefer did have a good one liner as well when he said “I could line cook so much better than him” COOL then go find a job. Seriously.

Jenelle, I also am so happy I now know where those awesome film making skills come from, please refer to Ke$ha We R Who We R.

On to Leah and Corey… besides the fact that I swoon when they are together and they give me hope for young girls accidentally getting knocked up. What is this house they leased? A. it’s a doublewide B. Why are you laying concrete for a driveway when you are leasing C. I just don’t get it at all. But when you’re living off deep passionate love I guess you can survive. I’m impressed with the happiness, jealous a little bit, but hey that may be because I’m sitting in my house in footsie pajamas alone going on hour 24 below zero. That’s Colorado for you.

Kailyn, Oh Kailyn. I think I’m going to just say my favorite line from A Cinderalla Story starring Hilary Duff “You’re not that pretty, and you’re not that bright”. Every week I want to shake you harder than a shake weight (I know how hard that is because I own one). Did you think that community college was free? Was it a huge surprise to you that the measly $320.33 you owed had to be paid the week you started. I can’t even deal with this. Joe thankfully comes to the rescue again, remind me why you don’t like him and living in his parents house again?

Who am I forgetting? Oh my little Chelsea. I love your Dad. Sure he’s overbearing, sure he’s Mr. Moneybags, Sure he hates your ex that treated you like shit. Want to know why I love him? BECAUSE HE IS JUST LIKE MY DAD. Always there, always holds grudges, always is right. Sorry my little hairdressing princess I’m siding with papa bear and your roommate, p.s. that look on your roommates face was terror when you said Adam wanted to move back in. Terror. i would be terrified if someone with that barbed wire tattoo wanted to live in my home too. Wasn’t that a fad in the nineties, if you are in fact a teen father that would put you at your glory tattoo days of toddlerhood. Sorry my friend I don’t know how that mistake even happened.

This was Way overdue. 

Only a week late… but thankfully before Teen Mom 2 tomorrow

-K

Well, this episode in my humble opinion was a little bit underwhelming. I’m not really sure what I was looking for in particular, but I didn’t get it.  Here we go.

I’m going to start with Chelsea this week. In previous blog entries, I mentioned how she was probably my favorite. Favorite in the I-kinda-like-her way and not the holy-moly-what-a-trainwreck way. I’m slowly shifting my opinion. She’s really getting on my nerves. You mean to tell me Jenelle can graduate high school and this girl cannot? Every week her tan gets more orange, her highlights get more blunt, and her nails get more and more broken (are you noticing this yet?!?!). My new discovery of the week is, if you look closely enough, she suffers from somewhat of a lazy eye. Not that it really means anything or matters, it’s just merely an observation. Adam comes over to play with the baby, and successfully wins Chelsea’s heart in the process. This girl is borderline pathetic. Then he’s fixing his car with his friend and I swear he recites a script probably handed to him moments before by MTV talking about how it’s just time to step up to the plate. I think he just wanted to cash in on the TM2 paycheck like all the other smart baby daddy’s but that’s just me, that’s just my opinion, a college educated adult with no history of psychosis. Chelsea went to explore some beauty school (she totally would be the type of girl to attend beauty school) and leaves the child alone with Adam. Not a brilliant idea but hey, he’s the father, maybe he’ll check out Aubree in his periph while enjoying the XBOX channel. Wasn’t aware there was such a channel, but ok. Chelsea comes home to Adam feeding the baby and is so surprised and touched she is nearly brought to tears. I’m sorry, but what kind of low expectation bullshit is this? He’s feeding his daughter! Something necessary for her survival, possibly the most basic obligation as a parent or guardian, yet she’s so sincerely surprised. Oh brother. Whatever, I’m just impatiently waiting for the day that her father finds out about this. Also, even if Adam was father of the year I’d dislike him on principle alone for his awful tattoos. He has a tattoo of a Chevy logo on his chest. I swear. Proof:

Ah, what a smug son of a bitch.

Alrighty, I’m moving onto Leah & Corey, my favorite little pair. The cuties go on a bowling date in the middle of the day and flirt back and forth, bowl pretty impressively, and officiate their relationship once again. That’s all it took! Just a little bowling date to bring love back to the forefront. I should try that…Anyway, they’re back together, and that’s cool. He’s so sweet to her. They’re so cute. I feel so fucking single. Whatever. They need to wait TWO months for baby Aliyah or Aleeah or Aleeiyah or whatever to get her MRI. I’m sorry but that seems incredibly ridiculous, I mean what if the issue is time sensitive?! That must be so frustrating. I’m hoping and praying that everything checks out fine, but looks like we may have to wait a few episodes to actually find out, and if you’re as worried as I am, you’ll have to wait a few episodes until you can sleep through the night without tossing and turning in panic and worry.

So Kailyn’s really been pissing me off. This girl is so fucking helpless. I understand that her situation sucks, but I mean let’s try to improve it, shall we? Your current living situation is an unfortunate one, but look on the bright side, now you have a car you can live in (I’ll get to that in a second). Every time Kailyn speaks, her tone is just so instantly abrasive. “Kailyn, do you want a croissant?” “YES! I TOLD YOU LIKE THREE WEEKS AGO THAT I LOVE CROISSANTS. GOD” ok ok jeez, I’m sorry, here, have a croissant! Anyway this week we find out why Jo is so MIA all of the time. You see, Jo has one of those old school basketball arcade games in his basement. This explains a lot. I’d be hooked on that thing too. He takes all of his friends down there and rants and raves about how he’s sick of supporting Kailyn (ahaha supporting her, right right) and how she doesn’t do anything (I think she works and goes to school and raises a child but I’m not sure, could be editing). I’m not sure why she had to take baby Isaac to orientation with her. But she did. Did you also see that lady try to say hello to the baby as she walked out and Kailyn just walked on by? If you didn’t catch it, it was funny, pay better attention. Onto Kailyn’s deadbeat mother. I really fucking have a bone to pick with this woman. To apologize for missing her orientation, she gave K her car. Or something. Some sort of very odd trade. I have an idea! Why don’t you offer your daughter a place to live, so she doesn’t have to be banished to the dungeon of cobblestone castle any longer?! Can she not see that her daughter might as well be homeless? So much fucking anger when I think about this. Her mothers house looked perfectly liveable! Whatever. I can’t. Then K broke up with her new boyfriend in what is sure to be the most unemotional and insincere telephone breakup I’ve ever and will ever witness. “Ok, see you at work”. Jo’s parents still suck, the sky is still blue.

Lastly, we witnessed something odd this weekend. My human emotions were trying to make me feel BAD for Jenelle? I mean, I didn’t really feel sincerely bad but I was beginning to? Let’s face it, Barbz is revealing herself to be this bi-polar lunatic! She is straight up unbearable. Jenelle took her car and her Ed Hardy seat cover to Wet Seal, Subway, and Dairy Queen this week in search for a job. She found one somewhere along the way waiting tables (eek). She buys herself a $3 skirt and gets reamed by the Barbz. Give the girl a break! She needs a skirt to dance in her YouTube videos with! Did you notice her bright pink t-shirt this week that she wore when she was “BABYSITTING” Jace was the shirt made famous in her We R Who We R video?! I sure noticed! If you didn’t, again, pay better attention. Jenelle signed over custody to her mother this week, I think she realized she was tired of actually pretending to give a shit. Without custody, she could do things! She could go places! I don’t understand why they needed to get the courts involved. Why couldn’t this just be a simple understanding? What, is Barbz scared that Jenelle will one day just take Jace and runaway with him, providing for him and caring for him alone for the rest of eternity? Safe to say that’s not even remotely an option, so, yeah, I don’t understand. This all just proves to me more and more that B is just a nut. Now Jenelle literally can’t take baby Jace like, anywhere. Not to the grocery store, not to the fireworks show, not to the bar…I mean, what the fuck.

I also would like to petition to see more of Mike, Barbz’s boyfriend. I could be speaking prematurely but he could potentially be TM2’s version of Butch. Just a feeling I got. 

Ok now if you’ll excuse me, I have a car to go dig out of the snow. Stay safe out there people.